My Immortal with Commentary!
by DragongirlM
Summary: I was bored and decided to follow in the footsteps of many great Tara-flamers before me. So, here is My Immortal with my commentary. Rated M for swearing, terrible sex scenes and gawd-awful spelling and grammar.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! Since so many people have made these, I decided to try my hand at bashing this piece of crap. So, enjoy, unless you don't. :P Apologies for all the occasions where this site somehow got rid of all my spaces. xP**

Chapter1.

A/N: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **Hardee har har**2 my gf (ew not in that way) **And what, pray tell,is wrong with that? **raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **I don't know whether to slap this Justin for associating with her or feel sorry for him **MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **Hi, I'm Dragon, why the heck does Darkness have an apostrophe?** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **I was bald, like normal babies are** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **How are they limpid and blue at the same time? **and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee **You wish** (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) **So polite**. I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **Yay incest -.-**I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white **because vampires have curly pink teeth with purple polka dots**. I have pale white skin **I have dark white skin**. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **Scotland** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **Really? I had no idea **and I wear mostly black **because most Goths wear mostly cerulean and orange**. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing **Aaand here come the ridiculous descriptions** a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation **You're already pale, you frakkin' idiot**, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about **Because REAL vampires become incinerated on contact with sunlight**. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them **How charming.**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **Yay unneeded ellipses!**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Draco? Shy? Pfft, yeah right.**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go. **What a stimulating conversation.**

A/N: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **No, no, NO!**

**Ugg. One chapter and she's already killed my spell checker. Now excuse me, I need to buy some brain bleach for the next chapter…**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta** I doubt "Raven" helped anything**! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **How mature, you call them preps simply because they flame the awful monstrosity you call a fanfic.**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom** Really? I woke up in the bathtub. **It was snowing and raining again **Ooh, magical weather**. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had** wouldn't it taste better fresh?** My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink **because that is such a goth color **velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on **Oh god, more descriptions **a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pinkstreaks and opened her forest-green eyes** Wait, she grinned, flipped her hair, and THEN opened her eyes? Must writew that down in my Sue-spotter's guide as one of their habits**. She put on** I don't care!** her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundationand black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.** She said OMFG. Wooowwwwww.**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing**. Vampires can't blush. They can only sparkle.**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room** See? This is one of the many reasons I hate this piece of crap. All the BAD guys seem to be in Slytherin. I bet there are a lot of nice people in that house! **and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.** Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, hun.**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **Great timing.**

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **Yup. You don't like him at all. And since when has "flirtily" been a word?**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked. ***yawn***

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me**. Why would they perform in a wizard village? Even if they did, why would Draco want to see a muggle band?**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed.I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR."

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **Best ending line in history!**

**Chapter two and already my brain is crying. And the worst is yet to come!**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **she definitely threatened their loved ones for those reviews **FANGS AGEN RAVEN! **I'll bet Raven only exists in Tara's little "goffik" world **oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4Good Chralotte. **One of her favorite bands and she spells the name wrong? Pathetic.**

On the night of the concert I put on **I DON'T CARE**my black lace-up boots with high heels**.** Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. **STILL DON'T CARE**Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front.I put on matching fishnet on my arms. **It's scary how much I don't care **I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky**. How do you make long hair look spiky? **I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists **Don't joke about cutting, you stupid fake emo goth, it's very serious *slap*.** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC **And read at the same time? So talented **I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway **and you just realized this? **I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert **because that's how everybody gets ready for a concert.**

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car **Hey, Draco! Have you been stealing from Ron?** He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants**, Another muggle band in a wizard village that a snooty pureblood actually wants to see? You are too funny, Tara** black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice **with an exclamation point.**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **walked into a car? I hope it hurt **and flew to the place with the concert **How descriptive**. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs **such good role models. **we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down **like people who don't know how to mosh** as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel(I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **Didn't you already say that?**

"Joel is so fucking hot." **You say that to your crush on your first date? How tactful **I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on**. Clever little thing, aren't you?**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **We need to get Draco to St. Mungo's, He's gone crazy.**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff **what** **did Hilary do to you? **I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **Last I checked, faces aren't blond.**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled **too intoxicated to walk? **back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!** Yes! Kill her and feed her to the giant mutant spiders!**

**This is actually pretty fun! Only problem? My brain is crying from all the terrible grammar. This thing is frakkin' toxic, I tell you!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok this is where it gets…scary. Put on your Bad Lemon goggles and prepare yourselves.**

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **Random name change **nut mary su OK! **Yes she is **DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! **Riiight... **dey nu eechodder b4 ok

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **I shouted as he stalked towards me, wielding a knife, a maniacal gleam in his eyes...No? DAMMIT!**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it **.** I walked out of it too, curiously**, and then plummeted to my death because Draco had neglected to land the damn thing.** **No again? Quit giving me false hope, Tara!**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked. **You haven't heard? She goes by Enoby now.**

"What?" I snapped.

**TURN BACK! TURN BACK WHILE YOU STILL CAN!**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **One of a Sue's weaknesses.** **I'll have to write that down in my Sue-spotter's handbook. **

**Run now, reader! Save yourself! **And then… suddenly just as I **eh?** Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree **RUN! **He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **I tried to warn you!** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **Worst sex scene ever -.-**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed**.I NEED BRAIN BLEACH!** I was beginning to get an orgasm. **WHERE'S THE GODDAMNED BRAIN BLEACH? **We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. ***cowers and rocks back and forth* **And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **Best line of the entire story.**

It was….Dumbledore! **I can't imagine Dumbledore swearing. Not even when he finds two seventh years screwing each other in the Forbidden Forest.**

**If you aren't mentally scarred forever, Chapter Five should be up pretty soon. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to bleach my brain. O.o**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! ** That isn't very nice, maybe people wouldn't flame if you refrained from insulting them **Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **That was totally unmentioned in the last chapter. **ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx!** He's Dumbledore; swear words are hardly even in his vocabulary!**

Dumbledore made and** why is there an "and" here?** Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **Amazing insult numero uno**

I started to cry tears of blood **That's a disease **down my pallid face. Draco comforted me**. **When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry**. Why? They don't know that the Sue and "Draco" were doing it in the forest yet **"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" **Well, **_**now**_** they do **he yelled in a furious voice.

Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **Amazing insult numero dos **

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"** Someone smoked a little too much at the concert…**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **Of course, they screw in the **_**Forbidden**___**Forest and get off scot-free.**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us**.  
><strong>  
>"Are you okay, Ebony?"<strong> Tara, pick a name and stick with it <strong>Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels **because that's what everybody wears to bed these days.**When I came out….**a HERD OF WILD UNEEDED ELLIPSES TRAMPLED HER TO DEATH! Whaddaya mean, No? DAMMIT! **Draco was standing in front of the bathroom and he started to sing** "A duck walked up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, 'Hey!' (bum bum bum)'Got any grapes?'" **'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. **Damn **I was so flattered**, **even though he wasn't supposed to be hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

**I swear, this story, while fun to flame, makes me cromit (cry and vomit simultaneously—not pleasant). Whatever. Chapter six should be up very soon, possibly within the hour.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!** Hold your breath! Please! I'll bet you'll turn all sorts of pretty colors!**

The next day I woke up in my coffin** I woke up in my wall dungeon **I put on** claps hands over ears I'M NOT LISTENING **a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black.I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.** That can't possibly be good for it. Also, don't you have a wand?**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula **L O frakkin' L **cereal with blood instead of milkand a glass of red blood** as opposed to what? Blue blood? Red bull?**. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily.I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it.** No…don't tell me this is going where I think it is **He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **eh? **and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore **NO! **and now he was wearingred contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore**. NO! NOOOOO! **He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent** He hasn't spoken yet...**. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko **You brought it up!**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days."** NO! *screams and falls to the ground while ripping at hair* DAMN YOU, TARA GILESBIE! **he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled** *moans and begins beating head against a conveniently placed wall* **"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared.** RAWR!**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him **because you're his bitch.**

**Oh, good Lord. Every time I read about what she did to Harry, it gets just a little bit more painful. J. K. should have sued this girl. ;n;**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life** Random Title**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviews** from people who want her to continue to see just how bad it can get**. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **What are tin god vons? **STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony** Another name change? Like I said, pick a name and stick with it** isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS** I put her through a Sue test, and she scored a frakkin' 94. On the test, a 71 was an uber-Sue. BTW, Arya from the Inheritance Cycle got a 103. Supermodel elf princess broke the test o.O **! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). **yes, yes it does** I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes** stop trying to be poetic**. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…**Good Lord, not another one T.T *readies brain bleach***

We started frenching passively** Lazy **and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra** A black leather bra? That can't be comfortable** and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **Why, yes it is, thank you for asking.**

sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. **It's the Dark Mark, right? **It was a black heart with an arrow through it.** Guess not** On it in bloody gothic writing were the words… Vampire! **That could mean any number of things. And it's only one word.**

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **Kill her! She knows too much!**

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **Then Evony has aids too! Yay! Now we won't have any more stupid smex scenes! :D**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked** How OOC **He had a really big you-know-what **...aw crap, now I have a disturbing image in my head *bleaches brain*...** but I was too mad to care.I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people **How descriptive**.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.** That's how I'm walking into Science class tomorrow xD**

**I don't know if I can keep this up...I'm running out of Brain Bleach T.T**


	8. Chapter 8

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep! **NO! I will never stop flossing! NEVER! *sticks minty floss between teeth and pulls back and forth vengefully***

XXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXX

Everyone in the class stared at meand then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.** Draco wouldn't do that. Hell, I don't think anyone would.**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **How does one do that?**

My friend B'loody** again with an apostrophe in the middle of a word!** Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly** eh?**. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood** Another person that flips their hair and THEN opens their eyes? Scary o.o **that she was wearing contact lenses on** Why does everyone wear contacts in this story? xp**. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on** Why SHE'S ALREADY PALE, DAMMIT!**. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born** What does she have to do with...oh God, no..**. Her real parents are vampires** Real vampires can't reproduce** and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it** Contacts and depression seem to be a theme in this story..**. She still has nightmaresabout it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger**...why?** (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. **WTF? Quit demonizing Slytherin! Not all of them are complete a-holes! I mean, their mascot is a snake, so they must be at least marginally awesome...**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!** amazing insult numero tres**" Snape demeaned** ?** angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.** Hold on…if she's accusing Vampire of cheating on her then wouldn't she be with Vampire instead of Draco?...ah, why do I even try? }.{**

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me.** Random POV change **I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony** THAT'S an interesting piece of information that, as usual, you neglected to tell us**) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker** Why is this story mainly about an ongoing war of preps vs. Goths? Very annoying**. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed.** Wait, are we back to enoby now? **I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forestwhere I had lost my virility** manliness?** to Draco and then I started to bust into** FLAMES!** Tears** Awww, no fair xP**.


	9. Chapter 9

**You know, I've been neglecting to thank you all for the lovely reviews :D they make my day. So, thanks!**

**Chapter 9**

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **That much is obvious****.** dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! **Yes it most certainly is,** **he doesn't swear in the movie either **besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE **your point is? **and da reson snap** crackle and pop hehehe** dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a Satanist!** shut up about the Satanists** MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad** such descriptive words...at least she didn't say "depressed"**. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. **He didn't, you naïve little—aw, who am I kidding...** I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.** Poor tree**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no noseand everything started flying towards me on a broomstick **Voldy doesn't need a broomstick. He can FLY 8D** He didn't have a nose **Yeah, you kind of already clarified** (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic.** This whole "goffik" thing is your world, isn't it, Tara?** It was… Voldemort!** *facepalms***

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.** KILL HER!**

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him** why?**. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream **Wait a second here. Shouting the name of Hermione's cat at the most powerful dark wizard in the world is NOT GOING TO DO A GODDAMNED THING**. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.** *epic double facepalm***

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!"** If the real Voldemort talked like that, no one would be afraid of him.**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden **That's funny, I think about cute boys when I'm on the brink of death, too ** I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understandso I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?** You JUST realized that? Wait...Tara, don't tell me you were trying to go for *le gasp* a **_**PLOT?**_

**Well, stop. You suck at it. **

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun."No! Please!" I begged, **"I can kill him just fine with a wand!"**

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"**I laugh when he talks. HAHAHAHAHA**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded** *epic triple-decker uber facepalm*** look on his face. "I hath telekinesis."**I am going to totally make a T-Shirt that says that with an anime picture of Voldemort killing Evony/Enoby/Ebony xD Also, did you mean telepathy, Voldy?** he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick **How do you do that again?**.

I was so scared and mad** Nothing new, I see** I didn't know what to do.Suddenly Draco came into the wood** Oooh, magic! FINALLY!**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation** How the frik can you tell, he's ALREADY PALE** and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit)** No, actually, I don't **between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.** YES! EXPELL HER AND FEED HER TO ARAGOG! 8D**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.** How do you walk and make out at the same time? You know, never mind.**


	10. Chapter 10

N: stup it u gay fags**That's incredibly insulting, one of my friends is lesbian. *smack*** if u donot lik ma story den fukk off!** Now, if I did that, I wouldn't be able to commentate ! **ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evildatz y dey movd houses ok!**Hey, not all Slytherins are evil! Quit demonizing them! Yeesh -.-**

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day** He's probably more scared of you**. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666** *facepalm***. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar **of course you do.** People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR** Well then, your band is just a copy of a bunch of other bands**. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now** NOOO! CURSE YOU, CURSE YOU!**. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid** she got Hagrid, too? *cries* **Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists** is that everybody's solution to everything in this story? **(he wouldn't die because he was a vampire** Real vampires can die** too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that **weren't you sticking them in your ears a while back? Ah, who cares, let her die **or a steak** Really? Awesome! *pulls out a mini grill and begins to roast a large slab of meat, shaking her fist at the sky* I'M COMING FOR YOU, EBONY!**) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. I put on **Nobody cares!** a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.**Sure thing, sweetheart, you keep tellin' yourself that…**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into **FLAMES** tears **DAMMIT!**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.** A voice that was planned or carried out by two or more people working together or with the same goal? How is that possible again? You know what, never mind -.-**

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into **please let it be flames now! PLEEEASE! **Tears **ARGH!.** Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall **holding a knife that he stabbed me with multiple times. No? *scream of frustration***

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)** Yes, he would've said something like "filthy mudblood!" or "floppy-wanded toad boggerer!" or even "YOUR MOTHER IS A ******** HIPPOPOTAMOUS ********* SOUP ***** DANIEL RADCLIFF…etc!" or something.**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive** *offensive southern accent* aww, poor thang's cryin' all sensitive-lahk! (sorry to all southerners, I just couldn't resist. :p) **Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour.**Wow. No, don't worry about Draco at all, just return to what you were doing *facepalm*** Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache **maybe he has a head cold, or the plague, or the I-can't-see-or-smell-or-tell-if-someone's-sneaking-up-on-me flu! (Ahh, I still remember that episode of "Between the Lions" *looks wistful* :3)**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely** oh yeah? Well, I can cry stupidly! OH!**(c dats basically nut swering** *facepalm*** and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists** Wait, I thought he couldn't die from that….*sighs***

**And the plot worsens! Okay, drop me a review and tell me what you're being for Halloween! :D**


	11. Chapter 11

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz!c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111** I bet it will be "srupid", judging by the Author's note…** it delz wit rly sris issus!sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **your lovely imaginary friend Raven sucks at editing. Wonder why?**

"NO!" I screamed.I was horrorfied!** NEW WORD! **B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself** such a good friend. **Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.** It's his castle, he can do whatever the fluck he wants.**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood** That can't be healthy** and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothesso I took them off **your wrists got all over your clothes?**** And then** **you took them off? **and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide **wouldn't you have to eat it to commit suicide?**I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. **I hate it when sand gets in my clothes. **I put on black high heels with pink** EXTREME GOTH! **metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings.I couldn't fucking believe it**. **Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap**, crackle and pop** w**ere** spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it** Who's Loopin and why is he chewing to a video camera? **They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED!** You just got dressed, idiot *facepalm* **ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" **hey, let Loopin chew in peace! **I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on** but what happened to your clothe—ahh, screw it…**Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" **Is that the mutant baby of Abracadabra and Avada Kedavra? **he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb.***Gigglesnorf* **I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times **Now she wasted the bullets she was supposed to use on Vampire **and they both started screaming and the camera broke.Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. **I thought he couldn't go in your roo-Oh, wait, that's Dumbledore, this is Dumblydore. **"Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…**Crackle and Pop said, "We make our Rice Crispies with spare ellipses!" Everybody gasped predictably.**

Hargrid ran outside on his broom **WHAT? First of all, how do you run on a broom? Second of all, what was Dumblydore going to say? Third of all, why is it not butter? **and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"** Hagrid is not little, and wasn't he expelled at a young age?**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"***epic double facepalm***

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him.** Enoby shot him! Wait, Enovy shot snape not snap…I have a headache now. **"There must be other factors."** TO WHAT?**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly**…huh? I'm lost…****  
><strong>  
>Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly.<strong> THE ELEPHANTS ARE TRIUMPHENT! <strong>"The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **Shouldn't Snap, Crackle, Pop and Loopin all be dead?**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood. **I feel faint when I don't eat enough souls…**

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.** I want to know that too! He was just chewing and then she goes and shoots him a gazillion times!**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint**.(...I have no clue what she's talking about. Who would care to hear about why I'm obsessed with marmosets?)**

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent…**…ehhh? **

**Snap, Crackle and Pop swooped in and picked all the spilled ellipses to use in their marshmallow bars! 8D**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice **If I ever meet Alan Rickman I just might ask him to say that **cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.** *facepalm*  
><strong>  
>"Because I LOVE HER!"<strong>*repeatedly beats head against the wall*<strong>

**All I can say after all that confusing crap is come try some Rice Crellipsie treats! *nyuk nyuk nyuk***


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo** Since when? Oh, since you, I forgot **2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu** How?**! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric** Two things: One, Cedric is dead, and two, HOW THE FLUCK DO YOU MIX UP HAGRID WITH CEDRIC? **ok! **Why do you always end the unneeded Author's Notes with "ok!"?**

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists** *facepalm***. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID ***sighs*** were there too. They were going to St. Mango's** Fruit Hospital for OOC Characters **after they recovered **last I checked, you can't exactly recover after being shot "a gazillion times"…** cause they were pedofilesand you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz **I suppose you think you're one of them. **Dumbledore had constipated** THAT'S a good reason to swear** the cideo camera they took of me naked **but you had clothes on! *sighs***. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargridcame into my hospital bed **That DOES make him a pedo** holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"EnobyI need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v.** what the frak does "v" stand for?** serious voice, giving me the roses."Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink**, even though I wear it all the time. **anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps** *facepalm*** like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. **How unprofessional!**

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." **Are they** **bombs? *sounds hopeful***

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

"I saved your life!" **When?** He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- videomade from your shower scene **what shower scene? Ohhh, you mean the BATH scene where you were wearing magical disappearing clothes?** and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong)** yup!** to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly **Angry girl!**

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye** So they ARE bombs! YAY!** and muttered _Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY!_

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely **wisdom? From you? *snort***

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." ***facepalm***Then he screamed. "_Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(_4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!_)imo noto okayo!_"***head-desk***

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black **I had no idea! I thought that the "black" in "black flame" meant white! **Now I knew he wasn't a prep.** *repeated head-desk***

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?"

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.** Yeah, you don't usually see things in flames. **

"U c, Enobby," **the love child of Enoby and Dobby? *shudders at the thought*** Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n a flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT)** *epic repeated uber head-desk*** u mst find urslf 1st, k?** Find yourself, young grasshopper! Find yourself the delete key and destroy this monstrosity you call a fanfiction!"**

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid** Hagrid wouldn't do that…oh wait, this is Hargrid** yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back ***epic double facepalm***.

Hairgridstormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on** I DON'T CARE! *screams and covers ears* **a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put onblack fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!)** I'm a nerd, not a prep** and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss**.**

"You look _kawai_**, Random misspelled Japanese gives me a migraine **girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit **SHUT UP**) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood **here we go again…** I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time, **even though I knew**** they were shot AND sent to St. Mango's Fruit Hospital for OOC Characters. **I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures.***cracks up***He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared** I thought he was dead **and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff.

**Whoa. Wait a second here. I think a rant is in order. This may sound a bit preachy, but here it is: I loathe, abominate, despise, detest, highly dislike, and HATE how Hufflepuffs are put down all the time. Hufflepuffs are generally thought of as unimportant nerds and misfits that have pretty much nothing special about them, and it pisses me off to no extent. So stop hatin' the Huffys!**

**Ok, I'm done. **

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said** I think you meant equally sad** way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eye** contacts, I assume **so much like Dracos. Then we jumped on each other and started screwing each other ***epic double-decker Facepalm of the Apocalypse***

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS**! amazing insult numero quatro"** shouted Professor McGogglewas watching us and so was everyone else.

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" **It takes two to tango, hon **I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!"**(** and then¼.. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites **they are called WHITES for a reason, Tara…**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted."I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me ***facepalm*** and I always cover it up with foundation **What is it with these people and their freakish obsession with makeup?"** he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to has him bondage!"** Who is Volfemort? Voldy's long-lost twin?**


	13. Chapter 13

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!** Are ****you yelling at Raven for not writing your story FOR you? **1111111** *****sighs* at least it doesn't end in "ok!"...**

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I***facepalm* REALLY TARA? REALLY?**

**Chapter 13**

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom!**Fangirl him LATER! This is NOT a frakkin chat room...**PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **But I thought Enoby needed to see what was in the flames...**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs **Amazing insult numero cinco**?" he asked angrily.

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice. **Dumbledore…evil? ok...**

"No! Don't! **Don't do what? Laugh? **We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn **wow! A possible place for a swear and she goes with "darn"! Shocking! **what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony."**This is NOT Dumbledore...** he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **Weren't you INSULTING gay people in a previous chapter? **

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood.** We should get her to St. Mango's Fruit Hospital for OOC Characters. Actually, no. Let her die. MWAHAHAHAHA!** Then he had a brainstorm. ***Sings* ****It's a-raining brains! Hallelujah, it's rainin' brains!** "I had an idea!" he exclaimed, "**But I lost it when Tara forgot her tenses..."**

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's ***sighs* **lair! **You can't do that! Voldemort probably has apparition-proof spells...oh wait, this is VOLDEMPRT, not Voldemort.**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice **eh? **say. "Allah **The Muslim God?** Kedavra!" It was….. Voldemort! **Again with the gosh darn ellipses! Snap, Crackle, Pop? Get in here!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists.** And that is why you are still alive right now. I believe Tara was/is a troll.** PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws **What are god revoiws?**!

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY.** X-trehm-lee scary..? **VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.** EXCRETION? O.o**

We ran to where Volcemort ***facepalm* **was. W**hy run towards the all-powerful, deranged dark lord who plans to kill everybody? **It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. **Well, duh, you're running to Volcemort, not Voldemort **Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood **again with this?**. Snaketail ***double facepalm* hey, Wormtail, you've been promoted** was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight **you want them to blind you? **you despicable preps!"**amazing insult numero seis **he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun **that thing should be out of bullets by now...**Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes** WHAT THE FEL?**. "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)** Oh. My. Goddess. She didn't even spare WORMTAIL, the most hateable character in the series. Wooowww.**

"Huh?" I asked. "Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail **WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE TWISTING NETHER?** I started laughing crudely **another impossible talent**. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard."I said angrily** Ladies and gentlebeans, Tara Gilesbie has now broken the world record for holding the most F-bombs in one sentence!**. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around **l****ike a chicken with it's head cut off.** Then he fell down and died. **I find that p****eople tend to do that when you shoot them and stab them in the heart, strangely enough.** I brust into tears sadly.

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort.** Voldemort? What's **_**he **_**doing in Volcemort's lair? **Then… he started coming!** BAD MENTAL IMAGE BAD MENTAL IMAGE BAD MENTAL IMAGE!** We could hear his high heels **really? High heels? *facepalm* **clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts.** Where did you get the brooms? I thought you somehow apparated there in the last chapter. **We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying**, ****because everybody knows that you leik can't be happy without two boys ok! *headdesk***

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. **I would be very offended if a guy wanted to screw me while I was crying...**He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah)** *****epic headdesk that knocks me unconcious for a few moments*** and a really huge you-know-what and everything ***another epic headdesk***

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. ***sigh*** "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here **conceited much?** except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything **some best friend YOU are, Enoby..**."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts **Does Draco know what Enoby did while he was gone? Apparently not!"** answered Draco.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked **you weren't naked! You were just wearing magical disappearing clothes!**. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me **he's dead; if I were you, Enoby, I would ****HOPE he doesn't still love you! **I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" **gimme a crowbar and I'll fix that for you! **I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing **I completely believe that (NOT!)**but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty** *FACE. PAAALLLLMMMMM.***) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away. **What a Sue. *****shakes head and sighs***


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz!** You would have bled out long before chapter 44 if you stuck to that, honey **fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!**" Draco's**_** INSANE **_**if he wants her back.**

But I was too mad **because of my own impossibly impossible beauty and skill that any marginally normal person would be ecstatic with.**

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" **I'll bet he's better than you, Enoby** I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire.** Both at the same time?** I started to cry and weep**at the same time? Shooockkkiinnnggg.** I took a razor and started to slit my wrists **oh, look, she got bad reviews.** I drank the blood all depressed **yup, I totally drink my own blood when I'm depressed.** Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.** Biology? While you are depressed? AT HOGWARTS? Faaaaiiiiillllllll.**

I put on** *screams* **a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchyon the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters.** Blood red? Why not rose red? Candy cane red? CHRISTMAS RED?** I put my ebony black hair out** you mean your hair was on fire? YAY!** Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual **Not as usual, as ALWAYS.**I did sum advanced Biology work **Bcuz** **even tho I swore and slit my rists and wuz leik ttly goffik and dprrzd and a bad spellr, **I **am leik reelly sooper smart an stuf. **I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar **so, Biology is now Transfiguration?** Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **My, ****moving inanimate objects, changing of their own accord. Finally, some magic at Hogwarts! **

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly **STALKER! **"I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink **Looks like preps and posers can't think either** Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time** WHAT THE FEL IS WRONG WITH DRACO?**!Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." Then…. he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it **that is so cheesy that I just wanna spread it on crackers**) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson** *****facepalm*how the fel can he sound like five guys at once?** (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!).** Btch...**

"OMFG." I said after he was finished **Wow. She actually said "OMFG". Also, shouldn't it be OMFS (oh my f***ing Satan)?**. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers **you have more than one middle finger? **(that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now **holding hands is romantic. Holding hands whilst flipping of prepz, however, is obviously even better **at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) **I totally use people I hate as examples, too **and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands.Loopin** What the fel is Loopin doing teaching Transfiguration/Biology? **shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether.** SUUUUEEEE! **Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then.** Magical good luck!**We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

AN: u no wut! sut up ok!** Did you mean sit u or suit up?** proov 2 me ur nut prepz!BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese!**Ohhhhh no. You're going to try and speak it, aren't you?** & 2 Raven, i so fukn miss u. cum bak plez!1 I cunt liv wifut u.**Well, you DID kind of yell at Raven for not writing your story for you. I'd run away from you, too.**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them"**but I thought you had a "good time" at the last concert...**

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted** is he t****exting?** uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what.** I have proof that some of them actually love doing just that.**

"Yeah cause we you know!"I yielded** that doesn't sound like yielding to me** in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." **well, it wasn't a problem the first five million times. **Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT** who would be insane enough to escort THEM?**"

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina** Draco seems pretty male to me."**

"NO." he muttered loudly **When you mutter, you're usually trying to be quiet...but I shouldn't be surprised you can mutter loudly in this story. **

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily. **SHOOT THIS FAKE-O! **

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me **She has an unhealthy obsession with Draco singing**.

I was flattened **FINALLY! SHE'S BEEN DESTROYED! **cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!** Or else maybe he doesn't give a blit about you and just really likes the song...**

"OK then I guess I will have to **why?**." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese **no, it means nice to meet you or pleased to make your acquaintance**). "BTW that fucking poser dumbledorf gt willow expuld.** But Willow's Raven...**he clamd dat she failed al her klasses and dat she skepped math. i so wll fukn miss her." (an: RAVEN CUM BAK!1) **There are other means of communication than screaming through your fic. If I were mad enough at a friend to leave them, I wouldn't read anything they'd written.**

"Sam", i sed** Sam? I thought her name was B'loody Mary Sue...**

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas **That movie doesn't seem very "goffik" to me...****"**Maybe Willow will die too."**I thought you wanted her back...** I said.

"Kawai."** HOW THE FEL IS THAT CUTE? And why only one i? **B'loody Mair ***facepalm*** shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly** eergetically AND lethargically? Another impossible talent**. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."**WHAT THE TRUCKIN' FEL? I thought you wanted her back! Killing off her self-insert Sue will not put you in her good books...**

"Kawai." I commnted happily **again, how is your best friend getting killed and raped by some crazy guy named Loopin CUTE? **We talked to each other in silence c**an you hear each other's ****thoughts? **for da rest uv da movie.

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr. I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping." ***coughsoundspreppytomecough***

"In Hot Topic, right?" **Last I checked, there is** **no Hot Topic in England. Or Scotland. I** asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

"No." My head snaped up.

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" **I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Wait, that doesn't sound too bad. Okay, I'll tell you!**

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!)**What did "Vampire" do to her?**. Or me. ***headdesk***

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms."** She put two fingers to her lips and whistled. Brom from the Inheritance Cycle came racing over and hunched down so that we could climb on his back. "They don't pay me enough for this," he muttered. I stuck up my middle finger at him predictably. **

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.** I just realized—it's seventh year! Shouldn't Dumbledore be—ah, wait, this is DUMBLYDORE.**

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE** I love how she just totally contradicted herself right there **and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs." ***FACE. PAAAALLLLMMMMMM.***

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers***coughEnobycough*** ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." **I THOUGHT SHE SHOT THEM!** He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing**I. DON'T. CAAAAARRRRREEEEE!** a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said **If a sale person said that to me, I'd be a little concerned.**

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. **I have to **_**pay **_**for all my clothes no matter how good I look in them, just like the rest of th world...** Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA **she is sooo subtle. I could never have guessed that "Ebondy" was a self-insert. *flicks bits of dried sarcasm off of the keyboard*** way what's yours?"

"Tom Rid."** How is it that Tom Riddle and Voldy are both alive? ** He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. **Why**** does EVERYONE dye their hair? **"maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako** *****headdesk*** you sick perv**! Yeesh, he just said he would see you there. He didn't even ask you out, unlike every other character..."** I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him ***facepalm***, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY** it's officially Ebondy now, I guess** U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW** I literally just fell off of that cliffhanger. Where's the punctuation?**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo** It ain't gonna stop, hon...**! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage.***sigh*** if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF***snicker* What does Fok mean? **! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!**Stealing is bad, children! And so is communicating through fanfics!**

Tom Riddle **I thought his last name was Rid! **gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free **bcuz we leik ttly hipntzed him wif r awsum Sue powerz! -.-**He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual **yay stereotypes *facepalm*****.** Hargird kept shooting **Go Hargrid!** at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." Well anyway Willow came **wasn't she supposedly dead?** Hargird went away angrily.

"Hey bitch you look kawaii ***le gasp* the second 'I' has finally arrived!**." she said.

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. She was wearing** Please stop right there** a short black corset-thingy **GAAHHHH!**with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red **how can it be black AND blood red?** miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz **how the fel do boots show off how pale someone is?**. She had a really nice body wif big bobs** so, she has two giants named Bob? Or does she just have a huge pixie cut or something?** and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic **is that supposed to be a compliment?**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily.** I thought you didn't want to go!**

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing** *****pulls out a noose*** a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B'loody Mart **The best store to buy blood from **was going 2 da concert wif Dracola **the vampires' favorite soda! **Dracola used to be called Navel **bellybutton? Oh, wait...****NO! NO, NOT NEVILLE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!** ***screams and tears at hair* **but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires **of course they were**. They dyed in a car cras crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth** *stands on a keg and puts noose around neck***. He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. **NEVILLE ABUSE! *sob* **Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik)** *****facepalm*** that his dad Lucian** *headdesk***gave him. We did pot, coke and crak.**(Lovely.)** Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. **of course. Why wouldn't they do all that?)**We soon got there….I gapsed.** *epic double facepalm***

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix ***sigh* Don't you,, like, have a boyfriend or something?** He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice** he sings ethnic songs now?**. We moshed 2 Helenaand sum odder songz **otter songs or udder songs?** Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask **he was wearing a mask?** So did the other membez. I gasped **predictably**. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes** *facepalm* really, Tara? Voldy is NOT PREPPY!**... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came **BADMENTALIMAGEBADMENTALIMAGE!**. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!** Vlodemort and da Death Deelers? Sounds like a rock band!**

"U moronic idiots! **Amazing Insult numero siete**" he shooted angstily. "Enoby** Don't you know? It's ****Ebondy now. I thought you hath telekinesis**, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!"

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife. **YAY! FINALLY! }8D *grabs popcorn***

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick **his broomstick had the flu?** He had lung black hair **black lungs? Has he been smoking?** and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE! **What** **the FEL?**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep!** In that case, every intelligent person in the multiverse is a "fuken prep".** fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der! **T****hose last two lines were more or less unreadable, but looks like Tara got her sweater back. Poor sweater.**

I woke up the next day in my coffin.** Oh yeah? Well, I woke up in a ravine wearing a met dress! SO THERE!**I walked out of it and put on some** *pulls out noose again* **black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it**.**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth **Maybe you and "deth" should have a tea party, since you like her so much!**). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff **sooooo ****descriptive **was blood-red. There was lace all over it **HOW THE TRUCKING FEL DO YOU GET LACE ON A BROOMSTICK?**. Draco had a black MCR boom.** *FACE. PAAAALLLLMMMMM.*** We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song. **Had what? A sandwich? Quit falling asleep in sex ed, Tara!**

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too.**EEEEVERYTHING is black! We get it already! **But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant **why are there pink pants on the walls?** And there were pastors **What? Why?** of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing** *bashes head against wall***a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing **I'M BEING DRIVEN INSANE!** a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs **Willow's dress came up to MY thighs? O.o** and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Draco came **.o Baaad mental image**. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong.The boys joined in cause they were bi ***sigh***.

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel ***sob* NEVILLE ABUSE!** was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came.** Inanimate objects can do tha how? You know what, never mind. I REALLY do not want to know...**He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation **of course he was** and he had died his hare black **poor, poor bunny rabbit; no wonder it wants to kill everybody...**

"...DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped.

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!" **I thought he**** chased away Voldemort, not Volsemort...**

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?"** Q.Q**

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer **Griffindoor? Since when has hogwarts had fiv houses?** Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.

"BTW you can call me Albert." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.**It's Albus..but I shouldn't be surprised that Tara called him Albert.**

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation **Is THIS Transfiguration?** We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood **THAT I A DISEASE!** in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard **HARDEEHARHAR! -.-**) but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted **he's too old for a mid-life crisis...**

I was so fucking angry **of course you were.**.


	19. Chapter 19

**Merrppy Christmahanakkwanzika, guys! :D I got a new lappytop!**

**Chapter 19**

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok **Jealous of what? My brain cells that died long ago?**11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd**(Now it's Evondy!)** a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert **Wait, didn't that concert JUST happen?** It had been postphoned **So...is MCR gonna call you, put the phone on speaker, and give a concert?**, so we could all go **Why would ANYONE postpone ANYTHING for Evondy?**

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes.** And yet, Evondy is in advanced Biology. At Hogwarts. Go figure. **Draco was being all secretive**. Let's hope he's plotting your demise!**

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot).

"No one fucking understands me!" he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz.**1. Why must you keep abusing rabbits? And 2. Isn't Draco BLONDE?** He was wearing **GAHHHHH!** black baggy paints **he was wearing cans of paint?** a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) **yet another Epic Wordplay Fail** I was wearing** Please, Tara, it's Christmas! Show us mercy!**a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held bootsand a cross belly fing **a what now?**My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik)**wait, we can access her email? SPAM SPAM SPAMISM!**

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled.** Wait, what?**

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted.** But what?**

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned.** Am I missing something here?**

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted, **"I'm just selling inappropriate things on the black market!" He doesn't say that? Awwww xP**

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. **Well, she never locked the door…or he could use Alohamora…or just go all ninja on the door.** I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for _Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video_**!) do we care? I don't think so.** I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot **that's unhealthy!**

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated. ***facepalm***

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?"

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore **as always.**

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse **he had a what?**. "What are u wearing to the concert?"** Why does he wanna know?**

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped **Dude, Dumbles knows everything.**

**"**No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u."**You have an attack parrot, don't you? YAY!**

**When you guys review, tell me what the coolest present you got was! :D**


	20. Chapter 20

**My best friend on FF and in real life, Ivory Muse, finally posted her first fic on this site as a late-ish Christmas present to me. I feel really lousy because I didn't do the same for her. :'( Sooo, this chappie is for her. Please enjoy this chapter while I head back to LibreOffice to write something else actually worthy of her awesomeness. :D {3 you!**

**Chapter 20**

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz** Bye! We won't miss you! **so dnot expect updatz. **No complaints here.**

All day I wondered what the surprise was.** Let's hope it's a Mighty Hammer of Sue-Smashing with 50,000-200,000 dps with additional +5,000 attack ****power! 8D Did I mention that I just got back from a two-hour session if World of Warcraft? **Meanwhile, I pot on** *****cries and runs to latibulate*** a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots.MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort **No, that was…was that Voldemort or Volcemort? Or maybe Voldemprt...**had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR **that sounds very, very dangerous. Keep it up! **in my bedroom all night, feeling excited **and bleeding alllll over the floor.**

Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom **how do you mosh and try on clothes at the same time?** I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again **but you were upset you two 'did it' before...I'm beginning to think you have split personalities or something.**

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what."**LUPIN ABUSE!** I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo. **She's just like those people on those discovery shows. "That there is an extremely poisonous snake, whose venom can kill even the hardiest honey-bagder-like human in under a minute. I'm gonna poke it with a stick!"**

ink**"** he growld angrily. **Huh?**

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally. W**ow…**

"Fuker." He said, gong away.

Well anyway, I put on some **STOP RIGHT THERE** black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation **BUT YOU'RE ALREADY PALE! **Then I went. Den I gasped….Snake **well, look! Snape and Snap's brother!** and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1***sob* SHE GOT DOBBY! *Throws self off of cliff***

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot! **Amazing insult numero ocho**" they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying.** Poor Dobby :'(** Dey got up, though.

Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it)**I doubt they like you watching them.** but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now)**o.O** **SNAPE ABUSE!**

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)**I'll bet you either used spell check (finally) or looked it up.**

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin** *facepalm* **shouted angrily.

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed.

"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot angrily **SHOOT ENOBY!** And then… **RETURN OF THE ****ELLIPSES! **I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.** Depending on what she's planning on doing with that, that could be thought of as rather creepy o.O**

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"**I'd like to know that, too. o.O**

"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked. **Snarky teenager voice!** "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me **That's hardly fair, ****they never did **out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork. So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it.**Did you, like, pick a scab of off her wrist from where you slit it and throw it at them?** Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum." **BADMENTALIMAGE** Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? **MOREBADMENTALIMAGE!** 2 the concert?"** Oh.**

Then….. he showed me his flying car **Now Harry's stealing from Ron too! **I gasped. It was a black car.** Amazing. -.-** He said his dogfather Serious Blak **LEAVE SIRIUS OUT OF THIS! Also, that was another epic wordplay fail **had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY'** two different license plates? Isn't that illegal?** on it.

….I gasped. O**f course you did.**

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.

Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. **er…ok...** Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing 'Helena'and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ….And den, I heard some crrying.

I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner** probably because you're his girlfriend.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk** You know, insulting us isn't gonna make us stop**. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong** yes, yes it is** ok koz dat bich ravern** didn't write your story for you? Sorry, but betaing doesn't work that way.** cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help **and now you're thanking her**. btw transilvana rox hrad! **I bet it got a whole lot better when you left.**1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed! **Poor castle. Poor, poor castle.**

Later we all went in the skull. **Wait…they left? I cant't remember what's happening. ** Draco was crying in da common room. "Draco are u okay?" I asked in a gothic voice. **Oh, now I remember. Also, it's impossible to talk in a gothic voice, as far as I know.**

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily **GO DRACO!** He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. **How does your gait betray your intentions?**I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide **He**** already did, though! This story is really confusing.**

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better."

Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face **and now**** he has a pale on his head. **I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone **I'm not a word that is pronounced the same way as another word. I'm pretty sure no one is. Oh, you meant homophobe? **den fuk of!) **I have proof that **_**you're**_** a homophobe, Tara, dear.**

And then….. **I'm starting to despise ellipses **we herd sum footsteps **how does one herd footsteps?**! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke **invisible drugs or invisible beverage?** We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris **Mrs. Norris's husband! **there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand. **She means Filch, doesn't she? Wowwww. He must REALLY love Mrs. Norris.**

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth **Filch's brother, I assume?** come **BBAAAAD MENTAL IMAGE!**. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly **Oh, I see. It's kinda like a gender bender.**

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" **Ah, the definition of Evondy!**Vampire said under his breast **under his BREAST? *dies laughing* He must be a transgender now, with his womb and breasts **in a disgusted way.

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked **wait, the cloak isn't invisible? Oh, right, the COKE is invisible!** Filth nodded. And then….Vampir frenched me! **I'd stay with Draco, he has better timing.** He did it jus as….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining **the lives of innocent readers** away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"**Of**** course, he's obviously very happy.**

"I guess though." Draco weeped **um, wasn't he slitting his wrists a second ago?** We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin)** No. **on the gothic red bed together. **I thought you had a coffin in your room...**As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now **yet another example of Tara's many talents**. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1 **Who?**


	22. Chapter 22

AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1 **Okay. After many a meticulous reading of this A/N, I have come to the conclusion that Tara is blaming "Raven" and then sucking up to her. Woooowwwww.**

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic.***facepalm* The "goffik" stuff got old after three seconds, Tara. **Well anyway, I woke up the next day **darn...** I was in my coffin so I opened the door** No! Please stay in there and suffocate! Oh, wait, she's a vampire. Damn.** I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas.** That sounds incredibly uncomfortable.** Then I gasped.** OMGWTFBBQ!**

Standing in front of me where….**where? where what?** B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow!**How the fel did they all get in there?**

I opened my crimson eyes.** Firstly, aren't your eyes blue and like "limpid tears"? Secondly, how do you wake up, open a coffin, and notice your friends have broken into your room WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED?** Willow was wearing **SHUT UP!** a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on itand black gothic boots that was attached to the top.**So, the boots were attached to the top of her skirt? That sounds inconvenient... ** Vampire was wearing **please stop right there **a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy** *facepalm***. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron **what? why?** that said 'bich'** what does that mean? **and other swear words **I assume bich is a swear word in a different language** and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny)** who the trucking fel is Jenny? does "Raven" suddenly have another self-insert?** was there too. She was weaving **hey, she can weave now! Maybe she'll make herself some decent clothes that don't defy the Hogwarts dress code! **a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it** I'm confused-the skirt was ripped, right? -.-**and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots **sounds painful.** So were Crab and Goyle** BAAAD MENTAL IMAGE O.o**. It turns out that Darkness** Oh no, who will fall to Tara's sword of canon-character-butchering this time?** Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire** they're all related now? And wow. Not even Crabbe and Goyle were spared**.** D'x** He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too.** of course he did** They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism **the worship of Stan?**

"OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?"

"Enoby something is really fucked up." Draco said. **Yes! For instance, the story, the grammar, the plot, the characters...**

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily.** Something is very wrong and you need to torture us with endless descriptions before we find out what the truck is up? YOU'RE A SICK, TWISTED ANIMAL, TARA.**

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice.**I doubt that Draco would ever say the word Kawaii-ah, screw it.**

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective."** I LOL AT THAT STATEMENT. LOOOOLLLLL**

"I will I will." he said.

So I just put on some ***writhes in agony* **black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation.**Ugh. Just get a tub of white paint and dunk your head in, why don't you** Then I came ***BADDDDMENTALIMAGE***. We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her **just because she was a "prep" and wearing a pink shirt? You are a judgmental b!tch**. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridgewas there too.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"**WHOA! An in-character moment? O.O**

"THE BARKLORD **Voldy's hippy brother? Which one is he-Volxy, Volsy, or Voldemprt? **IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS** that might explain why he has an unlimited amount of lemon drops, but that's insulting to everybody who is related to someone who has Alzheimers (or has it themselves). *slappy slap***IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY** sounds like a game now **OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt ***snort* **we cannot do this** abrupt mind change!**. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. **Yes! Harry! **And her name is…..Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way." **WHY THE TRUCK DID I NOT SMELL THAT A MILE AWAY? DX**

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped. **Again, why did I not smell that? Dx**


	23. Chapter 23

AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz **all of which were most likely flames**!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha!**"Omg, we should totes go shopping cuz omg we're totes not preps, OMG!"**

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum ***facepalm***and Rumbridge sawed us **she cut you in half with a saw? YES!**

"MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" **Aw, Rumbrige is such a good girl, she censors herself! ** Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her.

"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her **ohnoes! Dumblydumdork is eeebbbuuulll now!** "She means hi everybody cum in!"** LOOOOL I am so immature xD**

Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary **seriously, who the heck is Darkness? ...oh no. Oh my Goddess, I think I'm going to be sick. You know that part where she said that Darkness' real name was Jenny?**

**SHE MEANT TO SAY GINNY. . WHY, TARA, WHY?**

Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid joke. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo **Wait…has she…there's no way…there's only one pair of male twins I can think of, and they're Fred and George**. I eight some Count Chocula and drank som blood from a cup. Then I herd someone shooting angrily **at you, I hope.** I looked behind me it was...Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother. **Oh, lovely. Now they're fighting over her. Can this get any worse?**

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked.

"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1" **Apparently it can.**

"No I do!" shouted **hello, random unknown speaker.**

"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco. **Draco STILL doesn't know about what happened when he was gone? Poor boy!**

"No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then... he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) **As usual, you brought it up** They started to fight and beat up each other.

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden... a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick **hello, Vol. Which one are you?** He had no nose **really? I thought he had several! *wipes sarcasm off the mouse*** and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry** um, if Voldemort flew through a window at my school, I'd cry..**. Vampire and Draco stopped fighting...I shopped eating...Everyone gasped **So it wasn't just Enoby this time? Shocker!** Da room fell silent...Volzemort! **Hi, Volzy. Please enter your name into the list of Voldy impersonators and get in line to receive your license.**

"Eboby...Ebony..." Darth Valer **WHAT? How on Earth did she get Darth Vader? EVERYTHING I KNOW IS A LIE **sed evilly in his raspy voice. "Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!" **Why don't you just kill them without the drama and banter? Gloating has been the downfall of many a villain. Also, why the fel aren't the teachers reacting to this?**

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" **Then do it yourself, lazy ass. **Then he flew away cackling. **Ya know, if you want something done right, you should probably do it ****yourself.**

I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to contort me **Finally, they have some sense! Bend her into a pretzel and throw her off a cliff!** Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic ***FACEPALLLMMM***. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot **Aparently,**** Volzemort is so lazy, he's having Voldremot do his dirty work **coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way. **Really? I thought you slit them out of joy.**

"No!" I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision **sexily.**

"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice **sexily.**

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly as I got up **sexily**

"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive **and sexily.**

"No its not!" I shouted angrily **and sexily**. Tearz of blood went down my **sexy **face **sexily**. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!" ***headdesk***

"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though." **Who the heck is Professor Sinister? Who's personality is Tara butchering now? **"Ok bich." I said sadly and den we went.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24.

AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous **Who's jealous? **I**'m not jealous. My DOG can write better than you. And I don't have a dog. **so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11raven fagz 4 di help **BUT SHE DOESN'T REALLY HELP YOU!****! And aren't you two constantly fighting over pointless crap?**

Well we had Deviation next**… What? **so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry **(I thought it was Professor Sinister you were going to talk to last chapter...OHMYGOD SHE EVEN GOT PROFFESOR TRELAWNEY! **about the visions.

"Konnichiwa **That's odd, Professor Trelawney doesn't speak misspelled Japanese...oh, wait, this is the GOFFIK Professor Trelawney **everybody come in."said Proffesor Sinister **So NOW it's Professor Sinister! **in Japanese. She smelled at me **ummmm...**with her gothic black lipstick ***head-desk*****.** She's da coolest fucking teacher ever**.** She had long dead black hair **Technecially,m hair is dead. Wow, Tara, an accuracy. So THIS is the Apocolypse. **with blood red tips and red eyes. hr mom woz a vampire **OF**. **F***ING. COURSE.** She's also haf Japanese **Anyone else shocked?** so she speaks it and n b'loody mry get along grate)She's really young for a teacher . 2day she was wearing **WHY DO WE CARE WHAT A TEACHER IS WEARING?**a black leather top with red laceand a long goffik black ripped dress **she should lose her job for defying the dress code so! I mean, she IS a teacher. Suppsedly.**. We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong **Who? … Wait... Pastors? What?** I raced my hand **against what?** I was wearing some black naie Polish **Wearing Polish people is illegal in most places **with red pentagrams on it.

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik? **No, the Easter Bunny gave it to her.**"

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks **Um... A lot of people know what Hot Topic is..**. I gave them the middle finger **QUIT THROWING YOUR MIDDLE FINGER AT THEM! DOES YOUR MIDDLE FINGER JUST RESPAWN OR SOMETHING?** "Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it ***facepalm***?"

"Ho **Yes, yes she is **about now?" she asked. OK." I said.

"OK class fucking dismissed every1 **I really, really, REALLY wish that was how my teacher would dismiss the class**." Proffesor Trevolry ***Epic Facepalm-HeadDesk Combo of the Apocalypse***said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." she pointed at Britney and sum other preps **but she**** only asked Britney to stay...then again, fromn what I've read, every "prep" in the whole damn school is named Britney.**"Please do exorcize (geddit) **Oh, shut the truck up**1 on page 3."

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die **killing him off is better than putting him through this fic.**

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in **It's black... How can you see inside it? **I looked at it.

"What do you c?" she asked.

"**I**, **leik, see some stupid blonde preppy f***er and me...and the preppy chick's got a knife...and she's stabbing me...and, leik, she's, leik, screaming something...I think it's 'TAKE THAT, YOU SUE!'"**

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram. **I wish she actually saw what is written above, because it is sure as hell in her future.**"

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco **He's dressed as a door now?** He was looking really sexy wearing ***screams and plugs ears* **a black leather facet**, **a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirtand blak Congress shoes **uhh, CONGRESS shoes..?**

"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt** ? **said Proffesor. **Who? Trelwany or Sinister?**

"Bye bitch **she should be explelled for saying that**." I said waving. I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited **YES! Kill her and stuff her and put her on display in the Museum of Sueness!**


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25.

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin2 bet u up**who, Justin Beiber? I can take that little girl**!1111n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer **Stereotyping. Again. **!11111111111FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1

I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again **Is sex the ONLY thing on your mind?** We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car.

"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine.

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow **She did? I don't remember that**." I grumbled in a sexy voice **so, ****you sound like a buffalo with a speech impediment? **He took out a heroin cabaret **What's a cabaret? **and spiked it **But... it already has HEROIN IN IT **, and gave it to me to spork **I like to spork this crapfic**. He started to fly the car into a tree **Anyone else think Draco wants to die?** We went to the top of it**. **Draco put on some MCR.

"And all the things that you never ever told me And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently **that sentence was m****ade bearable by the "tiling"**. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar **WHY ARE YOU WEARING A BAR?** I took of his black boxers **.** Then… … … … …***is trampled by ellipses***… … … …he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily** *starts to cry* THIS IS SOOOOO BADDD!**

"OMFG **You actually said "OMFG"...while being screwed...Wow. **Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism **you had an organism? I see all this shameless canoodling has finally knocked you up**. We stated frenching passively **LAZY**. Suddenly… … ***Trampled again*** … … I fell asleep **WHY would you FALL ASLEEP while having SEX? **I started having a it**...?** a black guy was shooting **RACIST LITTLE FEMALE DOG! **two goffik men with long black hair.

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded** that's not gonna get him to stop**but he just kept shooting them **Told ya**. He ran away in a red car **That was random.**

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Ebony what's wrong?"Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes **Why do her eyes keep going from red to blue?**

I started to cry **Let me guess... Tears of blood. **tearsof blood **CALLED IT**went down my face**. **I told Draco to call did it with his blak Likin Park **… Does anyone know what she's trying to say here? **the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… … … … … … … … …Lucian and Serious **I bet they're glad they were killed**!111


End file.
